


Feigned Death Possum Strikes Again

by firefrog



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats - T. S. Eliot
Genre: Australian spelling, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 04:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7877191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firefrog/pseuds/firefrog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some daily life and general human strangeness as observed by cats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feigned Death Possum Strikes Again

Mister Mistoffelees was with Admetus, being guarded by him in the older cat’s human’s laundry. The Jellicle Ball was not too long past and the other cats were worried about him.

They were both lying snug against one wall, on their backs, legs in the air and tongues sticking partway out their mouths. Mister Mistoffelees had only recently discovered this pose, and was really enjoying it.

The Rum Tum Tugger strolled up the garden path and into the laundry, watching a moth for a moment before going in to see if Admetus was tired of guard duty. There was a fish pond he wanted to show to Mistoffelees that he thought the other cat might like looking at. He found both cats at their repose and stopped, mouth hanging open.

His jaw moved as if he was going to say something, but eventually he just turned around and left. Mistoffelees sucked in his tongue and wondered aloud what his friend had wanted. Admetus shrugged.

“Thstee muss, ugh,” he remembered to suck in his tongue and started again. “He must really like you, kit. I’ve never seen him pass up a chance to mock the ‘feigned death possum’ before.”

‘ _Feigned Death Possum_ ’ was the position they had been in’s name, and it was true, the Rum Tum Tugger took great delight in teasing its devotees. 

Mistoffelees thought about that, his tongue creeping out again. Tugger was his best friend, and he did avoid teasing him in front of others. But the likelihood was that Tugger was probably going to mock him mercilessly about it later, when they they got home. 

He was going to tell the other cat this, but noticed Admetus eye’s had crossed slightly and determined the older cat had already gone back to contemplating his own name. Mistoffelees chose to join him.

-*-*-

When he got home late that morning, escorted there by a sleepy Alonzo, he expected Tugger to start the teasing immediately, but the curious cat had been distracted by something else. Something that distressed him greatly.

“Our human FurryFace went into the dirt room earlier and came out – _bald_!” choked the other cat, voice tinged with horror. Mistoffelees sat down in shock.

“Is it ill? Should we comfort it?” Many times a sad human had found comfort in the black furry shoulders of one of the cats, their tears soaking into the glossy coats appeared to bring humans some form of peace.

“The other humans made squeaking noises at its appearance, I think they were alarmed too.” Their faces had gone red and Tugger had been quite alarmed by it all at the time. “But I followed FurryFace afterwards, and besides from the, the _baldness_ , the human appears to be well.” Tugger stumbled over the horrific term as he attempted to reassure his friend, giving the smaller cat an encouraging lick. Mistoffelees cared so much for their humans; it was really sweet of him.

Mistoffelees crept to the family room and peeped in. Sure enough the right number of humans for their family was inside, but now _all_ of them had smooth and shiny faces. It was awful!

“I guess that ends any hope of naming one of them,” the magician said sadly.

While the Rum Tum Tugger had scoffed at naming any human – from one day to the next they smelled differently, wore different coverings, had different length fur, even changed their height - Mistoffelees had wanted to be able to reliably label at least one of them.

‘FurryFace’ may not have been the best name, but it had fit.

“Actually, I think I can still tell which one FurryFace was,” Tugger admitted.

“Really? How?” Mistoffelees asked, curious. He had never gotten close to the humans like Tugger had, preferring to stay at a distance unless his sadness breaking powers were needed. But he had tried to tell one from another and the project had been beyond him.

“Well, it has a stronger scent,” Tugger explained. “One that lingers deep down, even after it washes and tries to drown its scent with others. You have to get close to smell it though, and I know you hate being picked up by them. Hey,” Tugger gave a sudden bright smile, “now we can’t call it FurryFace anymore, we can call it – Smelly!” he gave a patented Tugger grin and waited to be praised for his thinking.

“We are not calling our human Smelly,” Mistoffelees told him coldly. Urgh, how undignified! Tugger gave a disinterested sniff and started to clean a hind paw. See if he cared if Mistoffelees rejected his suggested name!

“We should call it something distinguished, like Gaia or Cressida.” Mistoffelees continued.

“Or Aurelia,” Tugger added, with just a hint of sneer. “Come on Misto - other cats would laugh at us if we named it like that.”

Mistoffelees considered. Yes, other cats would tease them. “Okay, how about _WasFurryFace_?” 

“Too long,” Tugger yawned, growing bored with the conversation. A sunbeam in the hall was beginning to call his name.

“Well how about – you said once the boots that get put by the fire belonged to FurryFace. So we can call it …,” urgh, boot was too short, so …. “Bootlace!”

“Hmm,” Tugger considered. Eh, it was as good as any other. “Okay kit, we’ll go with that.”

“Great! Now go in there and mark it, so I can tell which one it is,” the little cat instructed imperiously. 

With a put upon sigh the Rum Tum Tugger snaked into the room, got up into each humans lap, circled, sniffed their crotch, placed his butt in their faces (something they always appreciated) then eventually got down and rubbed his head on the leg of one of them.

Mistoffelees tried once more to memorise which of the big creatures this was. Bustopher Jones said you could tell one human apart from another by looking. But what cat could tell a creature apart from another just by using their eyes? 

You had to use smell and aura as well. Without those you may as well be blind! He wandered if that was how humans could tell the difference between themselves – by just using their eyes? It was a strange concept.

Rum Tum Tugger marched out of the family room again, gave Mistoffelees a nod, then walked purposely into the hall. It had been a trying night, what with Mistoffelees doing that strange pose (he hopped his friend wouldn’t do it too often, it was embarrassing to look at) and their favourite human losing its nicest fur. Definitely time to curl up in a sunbeam and contemplate the back of his eyelids for a while.

Mistoffelees too needed to sleep, but he climbed nimbly to the top of the family room cupboard and watched the humans for a while. They were doing incomprehensible things as usual, standing up and sitting down, going out and coming in again. Fascinating in a way, but not as pretty as watching moths dancing or the play of scents in a summers breeze. 

Maybe Tugger was right, no need to name them or keep track of which was which. So long as they kept marking the ones that were family they could ignore all the rest. And with that Mistoffelees shut his eyes and went to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Snipped from my story 'After The Ball' because it was a bit too random. 
> 
> My cat Kismet used to do _Feigned Death Possum_ , poked out tongue and all, and me and her brother Cinnabar would go and watch her with identical looks of WTF? on our faces. I miss my fur babies.
> 
> The human 'squeaking' is laughter and the dirt room is the bathroom. And when you think about it, cats look so much alike, they must tell each other apart more by smell. After all a trip to the vet cat render a feline friend a total stranger just because they smell like disinfectant. It must be really hard to tell humans apart - that is, if they even care to!


End file.
